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“With my baseball friends, it’s all about competing and playing jokes,” he says.“With my girlfriend, it’s sometimes easier because we can just sort of be nice to each other.” Whether your teen is in a committed relationship or hanging out with a larger social group, the experts we spoke to advise making your values and preferences on sex clear before it becomes an issue.“It’s important to recognize when boundaries are being crossed.

“That’s a real relationship — where he says, ‘I appreciate you and I care about you.’ Both sides should be proud of each other.” Parents can use dating as a teaching tool.“When you’re just in ‘a thing’ with a person, that’s more about sexual attraction than a real attraction,” she says.“A lot of girls are looking for long-term relationships, while guys just want to mess around.” Contrary to popular belief, not all boys enter relationships just for sex. Mason says he can be more relaxed and honest with his girlfriend than he can with his guy friends.“If you’re dating someone but don’t think it’s going anywhere, that’s not dating,” Brooke says.“That’s just ‘a thing’ or a hookup.” Brooke guesses that around 40 percent of the kids at her school date, but adds that only about 10 percent of those relationships are “more serious.” Lindsey Copeland, a Durham psychologist who owns Copeland Psychological Services and also works as a counselor for Durham Academy’s Upper School, says she does not see evidence of “real” dating until students are in 11 grade.

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