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They are offering us a view we very rarely get of ourselves as desirable.
A few people, of course, have an excessive belief in their own attractiveness.
They might, within an elderly or rather large person, draw attention to a nicely shaped elbow or to an intelligent characteristic tilt of the head.
They must actively search for the location of another person’s sexual allure, piecing together a portrait like a great novelist gradually revealing the hidden charm of an apparently ordinary character.
In many Romantic novels of the 19th century, ‘flirt’ is, therefore, a term of abuse.
No hero or heroine could ever adopt a playful, semi-erotic tone with anyone except their true love.
And the recipient of the flirt can, with equal grace, ascent to the story without a need to twist it through self-hatred.
We all stand in need of reminders of what is tolerable and exciting about us.
The task is not to stop flirting, but to learn how better to practice its most honourable versions.Along the way, the good flirt must carefully convince us of three apparently contradictory things: that they would love to sleep with us; that they won’t sleep with us; and that the reason why has nothing to do with any deficiency on our part.Good flirting exploits – with no evil intent – an important truth about sex: that what is often most enjoyable about sex is not the physical process itself so much as the idea of acceptance that underpins the act, the notion that another person likes us enough to accept us in our most raw and vulnerable state and is, in our name, willing to lose control and surrender aspects of everyday dignity.In our sadness, back home alone after the nightclub or the party, we may rail against the flirt for ‘only’ flirting, when it had appeared there would be so much more.But this kind of pattern represents only one, unedifying and regrettable possibility around flirting.